Local news, a good movie and hop! I’m off to bed. I pray, hug my pillow and close my eyes to sleep… Sleep? Let’s say count the sheep! I’m suffering from insomnia lately and sleeping is becoming a very old friend of mine.
Tonight I’m blessed. I’m safe in my bed. Tomorrow I’m catching up with the girls over dinner, will I reach the house safe and sound? Will I be counting the sheep at a time like this or will I be hit and raped to death by a stranger that will, as usual in my country, get away with his acts?
It all started when I watched the news few nights back. Devastated by the story of a girl, just my age, who was tortured and raped to death when she went to church for prayer, I sat in bed counting the sheep. That night, I could not pray. Whom would I address my prayers too? God? She was going to visit him, at his place. How could he let all this happen to her? Isn’t He supposed to protect her? She was a believer, aren’t true believers the most protected? Or maybe he wanted her with Him, between the angels, in Heaven? But why did he have to take her so brutally? Why make her suffer? And her family? Her friends?
I counted the sheep wondering whom to blame that night… I still count the sheep till I sleep tonight, days after the tragic news. But now, I pray. I pray because I understand it is not God’s fault that humans are acting like without humanity nowadays. It is not God’s fault that criminals and assassins are everywhere around us, that theft and rapes make the headlines of our news on weekly, if not daily, basis! I count the sheep till I sleep tonight because I understand that I live in a country where stealing is not punished by more than few years of prison, at its best. Raping by 5, perhaps 10… and killing by what? 15? Would a criminal even care about the 15 years he might spend behind the bars? Really? Do you think a person who’s sick enough to torture, rape and kill a soul, young or old, is stable enough to think about what might await him? Would a person who is stable enough reach that criminal mind anyway?
One sheep, two sheep, 3 sheep… 120 sheep. One white sheep, two white sheep, one green sheep, 10 red sheep… I now get it! I know who to blame… I blame my government! I blame my government for allowing my country to become one of the less safe countries in the world. A killing and rape tragedy inside a church? Who else to blame? Criminals are out there, running, with no fear. They know they can attack anywhere and everywhere, people of all ages.
What I remember from the news, in the past 15 days (and I rarely watch the news): an 80 year old lady raped in her house (seriously, why would anyone rape a woman who is my grandmother’s age?!), two boys kidnapped in a well renowned mall in the capital and a 2 years old kidnapped from his mother in the suburbs. And not only I rarely watch the news, I have a fish memory too!
What a shame! What a shame being Lebanese and not being able to cheer for my country on independence week. What a shame accusing, publicly, society and moreover my government for the lack of security we face today.
I point fingers, not because I don’t love my country, but because I love it to an extend it hurts. It hurts not to be safe. It hurts not to have a valid SOS number (those who think we do can check this: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=420164646960). It hurts to go to bed tonight, not knowing if it’s safe to go out for an early dinner between girls the next day…
I close my eyes and I pray, again… In the end, maybe I won’t be here to pray tomorrow!