Jan 10, 2018

Men, women - Post break-ups breaks

What happens after break-ups?

One of the most common debates I have post break-ups (whether theirs of mine) with my friends, mainly the girls, is whether a woman can or cannot live alone, if she should spend some time on her own after a relationship and if she can operate properly as a "single" lady.

And my current opinion in all of that goes towards a firm conclusion:
A woman can and should have time-off after a break-up.

Now here is why…

A few years back, I – myself – felt empty, incomplete and lonely when single.  I would miss on every girls outing, stayed in bed over weekends and even thought I cannot operate without a man in my life.  I needed a male validation for every outfit, every new hair color, every outing and even every new friend; and the only validation I would “accept” was one coming from a “relationship”.  And so, I went in and out of dates and relationship trials and failures.

But as they say, “to every downside its upside”, and in the middle of my social reclusion and my days in bed binging over movies, TV series and books, I read a lot about relationships, breakups and self-love and it is only then that I learned, page after another, about the importance to find a complete version of myself, a version that would not break with every break-up, one that would not feel empty with every goodbye; it is only then that I learned that I, as a woman, did not need a male companion to complete and validate me.  I did need a male companion, but only to share my time with.

While the most common piece of advice I got after break-ups was to “spend some time alone”, I must admit my mind I got overly confused as I heard a lot of contradicting statements telling me that the only way to “get over someone is by getting under someone else”. But, with time, I developed a personal conviction based on psychological readings and testimonials that I currently debate non-stop with all of my friends: the best way to get over a break-up is to spend some time alone learning to love something new about yourself.

Psychologically, taking time off for yourself between relationships helps you develop a better understanding of your latest relationship (the break-up) and a better vision of your next relationship.  The time off helps you get over the trauma whether it was an emotional or physical abuse, a cheating story, a social failure etc. and, most importantly, it helps you evaluate your wants and needs out of your next relationship.  Moreover, the time off will help you draw out of comparison during your next relationship and set the bar (higher or lower) for the next person to walk into your heart; after all, you just learned a new lesson through your break-up and you know today, better than yesterday, what you deserve.

Now remember girl: you do deserve what you think you deserve, so never (ever) settle for less than that!

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