The first time someone called me high-maintenance, I freaked out! Those who know me closely know I am not interested in prestige, money, jewelry, designer’s stuff, etc. How dare he call me high-maintenance?!
The Urban Dictionary (only dictionary to my knowledge that defines the word) defines a High-Maintenance Woman as someone who “has higher than normal expectations; has a greater requirement for affection or attention; has more needs and/or demands and therefore more difficult or challenging. Doesn't equate to money or material possessions alone but may be needy in emotional attention and affection; picky, bratty, likes things her way, takes pride in her appearance, finicky. Usually very well put together and usually independent therefore requiring a lot out of a man to keep up with her.”
Now this being read, I flipped! Does it mean I am independent and reflecting a wrong image of myself? I never said I did not need a man! I never willingly disrespected a man’s presence in my life or his authority in a relationship. I had my flaws, yes. I tried to get things my way, of course yes!
But was I really high-maintenance? And was it a bad thing?
Life was sweet and bitter to me since a very early age. So I grew-up too early (though sometimes I sadly still act like a grade 7 student!) and I grew-up knowing what I want and refusing to settle for anything less. I wanted butterflies, so I chased butterflies. I wanted crazy things so I chased craziness. I wanted to grab childhood like a diamond treasure and I never let go of its innocence. I mess up like a child and apologize like a little kid who just realized he won’t have candies for the rest of the week. I am sincere to an extent I sometimes blame myself as much as it puts me in trouble. I can’t hide for long. I can’t sleep on a lie. I take blame for what I do and what I don’t do. I put myself in trouble just to be truthful and then find a way to get out of it. I try hard to be genuine and nice, not to bite back when someone slaps me in the face, not to turn in defense when someone backstabs me. I believe in being nice to an extent that some call me stupid. And then I end-up being high-maintenance? What’s exactly so high-maintenance about me?
Sitting back and re-thinking things, I come to realize that when dining out, I chose the top restaurants in town; but that’s not because I am high-maintenance! That is because I rarely dine out and prefer to skip the occasional burger for a rare-cooked filet at the newly open French restaurant! I love French cuisine, what can I say? Yes, I do wear two of the most expensive perfumes on the market but that does not make me a high-maintenance person! I do not shower in those fragrances; I use them moderately because I like them! Yes I do invest in a piece of jewelry every once in a while, just like others invest in a Chanel bag; it doesn’t make me high-maintenance! I just invest my money where I see fit and valuable. I also do indulge in a massage session instead of coffee out twice a week. I do indulge in a good coffee instead of one on-the-go at a local donut bakery and no this doesn’t make me a high-maintenance girl, nor a materialistic one; I just spend my money in a different way than others and I see it fit that way!
No, I am not a high-maintenance girl in any way! I take pleasure in a flower bouquet picked around the corner more than one sent to me from Exotica! I take pleasure in a handwritten letter a whole lot more than a huge valentine teddy bear. I smile and giggle over a braided bracelet that matches the one someone would be wearing a whole lot more than I would to diamond earrings. And when I will get proposed to, I would care more about him wearing the same ring than I do, than me getting a 10 Carats solitaire stone because, once again, I am not a high-maintenance girl in the sense that people around me might define it.
But when it comes to feelings, emotions, passion and care… you can bet yourself I can be very needy, clingy and hard to maintain. I like to feel care, to sense it every single second. I give a lot into every relation I undertake whether it is a friendship one or a relationship once and I expect a bit in return.
Those who know me closely would even say I am more of a giver than a receiver, some other would call me stupid and silly for giving this much, while a few would say I only hurt myself by being such a giver because at the end, no one will see and appreciate and give enough in return.
What a high maintenance girl I can be at times. True. I do have a bratty character. I am strong. Opinionated. I don’t change easily. But I am also true. I apologize. I regret. I don’t repeat mistakes. I look at what’s inside the person rather than the outside. I care about how people make me feel and how they show they care rather than how much money they have in their bank account.
Because for me, being high-maintenance is a matter of give and take on the feelings and emotions part and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!