Men, women - Post break-ups breaks

What happens after break-ups?

One of the most common debates I have post break-ups (whether theirs of mine) with my friends, mainly the girls, is whether a woman can or cannot live alone, if she should spend some time on her own after a relationship and if she can operate properly as a "single" lady.

And my current opinion in all of that goes towards a firm conclusion:

A woman can and should have time-off after a break-up.

Now here is why…

A few years back, I – myself – felt empty, incomplete and lonely when single.  I would miss on every girls outing, stayed in bed over weekends and even thought I cannot operate without a man in my life.  I needed a male validation for every outfit, every new hair color, every outing and even every new friend; and the only validation I would “accept” was one coming from a “relationship”.  And so, I went in and out of dates and relationship trials and failures.

But as they say, “to every downside its upside”, and in the middle of my social reclusion and my days in bed binging over movies, TV series and books, I read a lot about relationships, breakups and self-love and it is only then that I learned, page after another, about the importance to find a complete version of myself, a version that would not break with every break-up, one that would not feel empty with every goodbye; it is only then that I learned that I, as a woman, did not need a male companion to complete and validate me.  I did need a male companion, but only to share my time with.

While the most common piece of advice I got after break-ups was to “spend some time alone”, I must admit my mind I got overly confused as I heard a lot of contradicting statements telling me that the only way to “get over someone is by getting under someone else”. But, with time, I developed a personal conviction based on psychological readings and testimonials that I currently debate non-stop with all of my friends: the best way to get over a break-up is to spend some time alone learning to love something new about yourself.

Psychologically, taking time off for yourself between relationships helps you develop a better understanding of your latest relationship (the break-up) and a better vision of your next relationship.  The time off helps you get over the trauma whether it was an emotional or physical abuse, a cheating story, a social failure etc. and, most importantly, it helps you evaluate your wants and needs out of your next relationship.  Moreover, the time off will help you draw out of comparison during your next relationship and set the bar (higher or lower) for the next person to walk into your heart; after all, you just learned a new lesson through your break-up and you know today, better than yesterday, what you deserve.

Now remember girl: you do deserve what you think you deserve, so never (ever) settle for less than that!

2018 is the pills year...

This year I’ve got no resolutions but 1: the resolution of offering pills all around, all year long!

2018 is the pills year.

Yup, you read it right!

This year I’m going to be holding a big box of various pills and I will be distributing them around as may be needed and fit. Why? Simply because I’ve had enough of negativity and people spreading negative vibes.

So here is the count:

1- The Happy Pill:

Also known as the most uncommon kind of pills, the Happy Pills will be distributed for all those who see life in black and white only.  Some should really learn to see what comes in between and all of the other rainbow colors… After all, life is full of ups and downs and one can only survive by counting the blessings.

2- The Forgiveness Pill:

No one is perfect except God. No one is mistakes free except God. No one will not harm you except God.  At a certain time of life, you’ll even harm yourself in a way or another.  And this is why God created the Forgiveness Pill and I’ll be distributing it to each and everyone around who needs it.  Drooling over arguments and bad events will spread nothing but negative vibes and stress and I strongly believe people should learn to forgive as part of their daily healing process.

3- The Blame Pill:

Unless one has a good, valid reason, supported by logical and palpable arguments… no one is allowed to blame anyone for anything around me.  We are all adults around here so stand up for your own decisions and respective consequences and remember: anything bad is a lesson learned.

4- The Chill Pill:

My second favorite pill! You know those times when you can’t handle my blunt advise, opinion or sarcasm? That’s when I’ll offer you the chill pill.  I’ve got tons. I’ll also offer it when you’re angry, upset, annoying or feeling frustrated as I really do not need that kind of negative vibes flying all around me. The Chill Pill is kind of cool you know?

5- The Brain Pill:

My favorite! J You’ve got brain, now use it. Everyone has got brains and whomever don’t use it around me will be offered my favorite pill.  Google can be of help sometimes not to utter stupid things and to limit the usage of Brain Pills in order not to overdose.

Now what about you? Is there any sort of special pill you suggest to add to my list? 

Friendships.... the worst kind of break-ups!

Break-ups suck.

Whether you are happy in a relationship or miserable and want out, when the moment of truth comes out and the break-up is final, you will have some sort of a bad feeling: Was it a good decision? How lonely will I be feeling now? Who will I share my week-end with? And my promotion, what about my promotion… who is the first person to call now?

And as bad as break-up feel, there is nothing worse than friendship break-ups, trust me!

In fact, when you are dating someone new, there is always a little voice in the back of your head telling you that it might not work out and that tomorrow might be your last day together. Even when you’re walking down the aisle you would still think “if it doesn’t work out, we will get a divorce”. You always have an end figured. But with friendship…. Friendship is different. You don’t enter a friendship expecting it to end! On the contrary in friendships you are trustful to an extend of becoming vulnerable. Who would think you and your BFF will walk side-by-side like strangers one day?

Friends are the people you become family with. They are the people you confide to about the hard thing going on with you. They are the ones you build closeness with, share memories with, have intensive moments with… etc.

Friends are the ones you safely call when you’re out and feeling tipsy. And when that break-up happens nothing in the world can prepare you to such loss.

Absolutely nothing.

I admit I was a "People Pleaser" and I have healed...

Being an only child, I grew up trying to please everyone around me; I felt the urge of pleasing my parents and family members, the urge of pleasing my classmates to the extent of doing their homework at times, the urge of pleasing friends and acting up to their needs and expectations, regardless of mine, because I had no brothers and sisters and felt lonely.

But as I grew up I learned that being a “people pleaser” is a full-time, exhausting, non-full filling job.  I learned that brothers and sisters are the friends who stick by me every step of the way.  I learned that family will love me no matter what. And I learned that the hidden gems between friends and cousins are the back bones I will always have. And those people do not need me to please them. They will stick by no matter what!

Years after my recovery, and as I have recovered from the symptom of being a “people pleaser”, I decided to write down my thoughts and steps in order to remind myself what needs to be done and remind those around me that it is ok not to suffer in silence.

1- Not being a “people pleaser” does not mean you are not a giver

It is very important to keep in mind that life is all about give and takes. In order to receive respect, love, attention and support, one must always give those.  However, the most important thing to learn is that, though giving sometimes means sacrificing, one must never give without receiving anything in return, and turn into a “people pleaser”.

2- Love yourself more than you love anyone

The more you love yourself, the more you will be able to love everyone around you. Appreciate yourself. You are valuable in your own way. Remember that no one is complete and eventually the people around you (the good ones, the ones worth keeping) will see the good in you and love it as well.

3- Learn that it is okay to say “no”

“no, thank you”. Read it again: “no, thank you”. You see? It’s not rude. It’s not impolite. It’s actually quite easy! Practice and use (and abuse if you must) the use of the sentence. So the next time the gang are going for a night swim and you feel like having a drink, do not hesitate. A simple “no, thank you” is the answer. After all, spending the night at home relaxing or investing in an activity that you like is far more satisfying than joining everyone in an activity that you dislike.  However, keep in mind that life is all about give and takes and that sometimes it is okay to do something for the ones you love, every once in a while.

4- Learn to let go of toxic people

You know those few who always used and abused you with requests and demands? Those you stood by and yet never stood by you? That friend who always planned your Saturday nights out based on what he/she felt like doing? Let. Them. Go. You’ll lose a couple of people, it is true. And no matter how hard it feels now and how sad it might sound (especially that, if you’re a “people pleaser” you probably hate to let people go) you’ll thank me later! I promise.

5- Take time for yourself

Your “me” time should be sacred. Being a “people pleaser” probably made you forget all about your own hobbies, likes, dislikes and even dreams. Take time to discover yourself and make your daily “me” time sacred. Re-discover yourself.

Bonus comment: you’ll love what you discover ;)

6- Congratulate yourself

Yup! You’ve read that last one right. You will never learn to love yourself and continue walking away from toxic people or from being a “people pleaser” unless you congratulate yourself for every time you say no. For every time you speak your mind. For every time you say what you really think (without being rude of course and without hurting others).

You see? There is a thin line between being a “people pleaser”, voicing your opinion and being a total douchebag! Discover the balance and learn the equation by heart. After all you don’t want anyone to step on your toes but, at the same time, you want to respect and love the people around you and earn back their love and respect – without losing your own personality and comfort (I can’t stress on this enough!)

Welcome to the new you…. Enjoy!

So.... Who's registering as an organ donor?

I was supposed to write about spring and early beach season this week, summer tan and flip-flops.

However, as I was finishing my pedicure last Sunday, I heard the terrifying news about a Lebanese young lady shot dead at the exit of a nightclub.  It saddened me and caught my attention over the next few days, sanctioning me with a huge writer’s block. I’ll postpone my weekly post once again. After all, my writing does depend on my mood lately….

The news following however came very inspiring. The girl’s parents decided to donate her organs and save the lives of those in need. Quite a weird initiative in Lebanon I must say!

Post after post, people started praising the organ donation gesture, link after link led me to the National Organization for Organ & Tissue Donation & Transplantation (NOD) website, a website I browsed through and read thoroughly.

To be honest, it’s been a while I wanted to register as an organ donor and laziness was kicking over but I just discovered the steps were quite easy and oh how I would love to see every single one of my friends doing the same:

1. Register online on https://www.nodlb.org/en or at any Maliks branch;
2. Inform a family member (decision maker in case of your death such as parent, spouse, sibling) of your decision;
3. Wait 3 weeks and receive your membership card;

The cool thing about NOD is that they follow-up on continuous basis with all the hospitals of Lebanon and are informed about any death.  Accordingly, shall the deceased be registered as an organ donor, and after the approval of his family (which is why #2 above is quite important!), NOD will be retrieving the donated organs (the retrieval is done through operation and no disfiguration would occur on the body) and then passing them to the registered receivers. And the coolest thing about all this is that anyone under the age of 70 is usually eligible to save a life!

Ultimately, one donor can save many persons once deceased. So why be remembered with tears when you can be remembered with gratitude and live through another person’s smile?

 

What's the perfect gift for a mom on her day?

I was not supposed to blog about gifts for mothers day. I chose to skip that post for this year and focus on my social media ranting post earlier this week (here). But I was surprised to wake up to a message from a friend asking if it was okay to buy a dishwasher for his wife on mother's day.

NO!!

I'll make this short, simple and to the point:

Mothers day is the one day of the year where the woman should be spoiled as a woman not as a housewife, mother or whatever else this superhero does all year long.

Don't get me wrong; there is nothing wrong in cleaning, cooking, making the beds, the dishes, the laundry, taking care of the kids and of the social happenings of the couple, and everything else a mother and/or wife do. I'm not the kind of woman who would pull a “mish shaghelté” or “I work all day, go do the dishes yourself”. But seriously…

Let's think of it this way: would you rather receive a new project from your colleagues as a birthday gift or a cake to enjoy?

I'll answer that! A cake. The project will still be here tomorrow morning and they can allocate the work to you that time. Today is your day and you shall enjoy it.

Same goes here! You know that dishwasher? She wants it, needs it, and you are going to get it anyway. Buy her something that will make her smile. Something that has: this is your day and I thought of a way to make you happy sweetheart.

This can go from jewelry, clothes, handbag, spa treatments (my favorite! All mothers need this) to flowers, cakes or a handmade card with a sweet note if you're on a budget.

Just get her something that has “you're an amazing WOMAN” all over it. She deserves to feel that on this day!

My rant about Social Media - March 2017 edition!

Okay, I think that's it. I've had enough!

With the latest updates on Whatsapp and the stories going live on all sorts of social platform* life is just not as we know it anymore.  Almost every person I know is a blogger**, a photographer***, a traveler**** or an “influencer” (what the hell is that anyway?!). All pictures are loaded with edits and filters, and there is nothing normal or natural about anything anymore! Going through Snapchat, Insta-Stories and Whatsapp Status, I see the same images and videos on repeat as if one medium was not enough! Hey neighbor, did you forget to check my Snapchat today? Oh cool! Have a look, I copy pasted it on Instagram and Whatsapp! And to make things even worse? The shares on Facebook are growing by the minute…. I’m driving through traffic (because traffic is uncommon in Beirut) and hey look it’s raining outside! (because when it pour all over the country, it only does where you stand!  People have lost their minds in the need of self-validation and everything is just out of control nowadays!

*my favorite still is Snapchat – it just serves the purpose perfectly and provide you with a notification of any screenshot!

** before you comment, I don’t claim to be one! I write for fun and I don’t post consistently to call myself a blogger)

*** even if he only owns a phone camera

**** even when Dubai is the only place he has visited

Before you remind me of how much of a Social Media addict I am (yes, I admit I am), I would like to point out that I use each medium to what it originally was created for: my photo albums go to my Facebook account, my writings go to my blog, my instant pictures go to Instagram, silly shares go on Snapchat (thank God my boss does not have a Snapchat account!) and so on… I do occasionally edit and filter photos but I try my best to keep it real.

When I’m out on a date, I try not to hold my phone too often (unless I am not interested in what is going around!) and when I’m out with friends, I enjoy the moment and capture a few happenings on cam or video for the sake of the memory. But I post what is as close to reality as can be… In fact, my profile if full of non-flattering pictures of myself, non-edited ones, pictures where I look silly, stupid, ugly or fat. I post what I can, when I can, in the best way I can. And the best way I can is the most truthful. I post what is real.

But what exactly is real nowadays?

 

The more people are getting submerged by applications, connection mediums and accounts, the less real they are becoming. I miss the days where people would go and comment on blogs - back in the days we had the Facebook notes and everyone had something to say or comment or debate on those shares. I miss the time where people would take a minute to write a nice comment on pictures instead of automatically scrolling through their feeds and liking whatever picture and/or post they see out there (though I am guilty of this sometimes).  I miss the time where social media did not control my life, my family’s and my friends’… the time where we could sit and enjoy a long talk over coffee, in front of a chimney…. the time when taking a picture would take 10 seconds not 50 (10 seconds for a Facebook photo, another 10 for Instagram, another 10 for Instagram story (let’s switch angels), then 10 for Whatsapp status and 10 for Snapchat…) and maybe we could record a video and a boomerang post while at it!

I miss the time when people were real… the time where freckles showed on pictures, where eyelashes were not combed and long (hey guys! there are apps that do this for us girls!) and where people’s lives looked like what they shared and people’s pictures actually looked like what they were like in real.

I miss the time where I would see my friend at the end of the street and recognize her… the time where people looked like themselves in pictures and their live looked real in posts!

So to all of you out there who think what you scrolled through today on your various platform is real, relax… Life is oh so different out-there!