Men, Women - Redefining Love

When I first decided to blog about Valentine, I wanted to blog about gifts and celebrations.

In fact, I wanted to blog about the reasons behind the need girls feel to celebrate the occasion, and the reason that makes them ignore their partners ongoing comments that sound like: “We can celebrate love every day, what makes Valentine so special”.

(I’ll answer that one for you guys: Valentine is special simply because you do not celebrate love every day; you do not take your girl out for a tête-à-tête dinner for no reason, do not send her flowers out of occasion, do not whisper you love her on a regular basis, do not pamper her with a massage treatment or get her a gift for no reason! Therefore, we girls end-up waiting for Christmas, New-Year, our birthday or Valentine to feel the “love”).

Now ranting put aside and sermon over, let’s go back to my main subject for the occasion: re-defining love.

When I divorced, my grandmother told me: Now, your relationship is over and you have failed a marriage. Both of you. But just like both of you cherish the memories and walked out with respect, you should both learn that a relationship breaks, all relationships will break, and in the future don’t take the easy way out. Mend the pieces.

I never wanted my relationship to be a patchwork of all the broken pieces. Through the years, I walked out of every relationship that had a tiny argument in it. For me, arguing never showed care. I wanted peace of mind. I wanted attention, without jealousy. Care without arguments. Possessiveness without controlling. I wanted a man who shared every second of my life without keeping me around all the time. I suffocated easily, walked away too fast. I thought setting me free was true love.

The clock ticked, days turned into months and months into years. And then I woke up realizing one day that each has his own definition of love.  Some wanted to feel controlled and suffocated.  Some wanted to be around their partners all the time.  Some needed around-the-clock attention. And some, like me, were different in their definition of love.

What’s love? (for me….)

Love is loving an imperfect person, perfectly. 

It is knowing the other’s flaws; it’s not about liking those flaws, it is about accepting them without feeling the urge and need to fix them.

Love is believing no one is perfect, including oneself, and not looking to change or change the other person.  

Love is being able not to let go, even when you want to the most, without feeling hurt or degraded and without doing an effort. 

Love is standing still, no matter what happens.

Love is feeling the same, no matter what happens.

Love is not needing to do an effort to impress the person in front of you, it’s wanting and desiring to do that effort to make that other person proud. 

It is not letting go, no matter how hurt you were.

It is lusting for a moment in each other’s arms without suffocating in the cheesiness of romance and relationships.

Love is living apart without feeling distant, it is living together without feeling suffocated.

Love is trusting blindly, giving effortlessly, feeling romance around the clock.  

It is sitting together in silence without feeling the weight of that silence. 

Love is not needing to hold hands in public, and not needing to prove the couple at events and not needing to attend all happenings together. 

Love is not searching for someone to complete you; Love is being complete, feeling happy and sensing full without the other person… but still wanting to share the moments with that other person. 

Love is not a need or a desire, it is not just an emotion, love is a decision. 

It is wanting to share your time together without needing to do so.  

Love is not giving-up on anything, it is giving into everything new.

32 Resolutions for my 32nd Birthday

New-Year is that time of year where we jump into filling our bucket list and write down new resolutions to achieve.

On New-Year I’m usually tipsy, partying and enjoying so I try not to take important decisions… I sleep on my upcoming year desires and come public with my list around my birthday, at the beginning of February.

Oh yeah! It’s my birthday this week… 32! What a (big) number!

And for those who believe in astrology don’t google it! I’m an Aquarius.  An Aquarian is the knows-all of the zodiac (we read, research, play inspectors, take over FBI jobs, whatever it takes to know it all!). An Aquarian is friendly, sensitive, faithful, caring, idealistic, patient, neat… but it’s important to point out that a high percentage of serial killers were Aquarians! Actually, between all zodiac signs, Aquarius holds the highest percentage of serial killers.

Now this being said, I sit down this year again to put my resolutions list that will serve from birthday to birthday; and since I’m turning 32, here goes my list of 32….

1- I will embrace every occasion I have to have fun and act childish. Those who think it’s immature lack maturity themselves!

2- I will love myself above everyone else because sometimes being selfish is the healthiest one can be.

3- I will eat healthy, but I will also have amazingly unhealthy cheat meals!

4- I will read a new book every month; subject, language, theme and thickness will not matter, I’ll just read (I currently am on an average of 1 book every 45 to 50 days).

5- I will try something new every month.

6- I will try not to go to the same restaurant/pub twice (this excludes some outdoor venues and beach resorts for the summer break); Those who know me know that I love to try new places!

7- I will hold an agenda; no more skipping gym for manicure time (Jeff will be happy to hear this!), missing girl’s nights for a date, giving up a movie for a forgotten birthday celebration I have. I will now hold an agenda and mark everything down, even silly Happy Hours drinks with co-workers!

8- I will achieve one dream; I already have my bucket list from when I turned 30… and in the past 2 years new things added-up to it. This year, I’ll start achieving.

9- I will drop friends and take new ones; dropping friends does not make me a bad friend or a bad person, it makes me mature enough to let go. At 32, it’s about time to let go.

10- I will become more confident. I will not succeed in everything, I know it. But I will fail in style. I will fail in confidence. And I will not break.

11- I will get a pet. My mother hates animals and I live under my parents roof. So I’ll opt for something that will pass almost unseen… suggestions are welcome!

12- I’ll take exercise more seriously. I’m now posting monthly about health, that’s the least I can do!

13- I will put my phone away during outings and will only hold it once for a souvenir picture.  The challenge here will be for my parents need to learn that if I don’t answer after 9pm: NO I am not dead yet, and the big/fat/mean wolf did not have me for dinner!

14- I will bond with nature. NO I will not go for picnics, I’m not there yet. But I’ll start some serious bonding.

15- I will engage in helping the less fortunate and the persons in need. I started already by raising cash in my circle for the Children Cancer Center during Christmas. And I will engage in other similar activities throughout the year.

16- I will volunteer, even if it is for as little as an hour a month.

17- I will plank every day (and no, this has nothing to do with exercising i.e. number 12).

18- I will watch one new sunrise each month and I’ll try to do it from different locations. I love sunrises. They mark the beginning of a new day, of a new hope, of a new chance at life.

19- I will get a piggy bank that I will open next year, for my birthday. Will decide on what to buy myself on February 6, 2017 when I open it.

20- I will plan a girl’s night every month at least. Random girls gatherings are fun, loud and crazy, even at 32!

21- I will learn how to cook new and non-traditional things. Let’s just hope I don’t burn the house down while at it!

22- I will spend weekly time with old people and kids; they are the most genuine of us all.

23- I will lower my debts and start saving-up.

24- I will go to bed early, before midnight, 4 nights a week.

25- I will give more and expect less.  This applies to life, family and friends.

26- I will do crafts; They are good to improve creativity, they are fun and above all relaxing.

27- I will go on a road trip; my options are not vast in Lebanon but nevertheless, I will.

28- I will search and embrace more crazy moments that increase my adrenaline level until my body starts aching from inside my throat. That’s what I call: living!

29- I will pray more.

30- I will embrace life fully.

31- I will not write a resolution list for my 33 years birthday. 33 is too long!

32- I will achieve each and every resolution I just wrote down.

Health and Fitness - She’s pregnant and exercising!

I have heard of those super ladies who train when pregnant. I looked in owe at the pictures of the model Sarah Stage who had her packs showing at her 9^th month of pregnancy. But I thought only models and professional athletes did it!

Everything still sounded so unreal when I first saw live, in front of me at the gym, a lady training with Jeff* during her pregnancy.  Looking as fresh as a university student, you could not tell she was pregnant without examining her from side and seeing her not-so-generous baby belly.  Healthy and all fresh. This is all I could think about when I first met her… oh, and she was REAL!

But was it safe to exercise during pregnancy?

Doctors, researchers and trainers all agree that unless the pregnant woman is suffering from a major/serious pregnancy related issue, exercising during pregnancy is 100% safe. By exercising we mean everything that does not include receiving punches on the belly area.  So put your boxing gloves aside pregnant ladies and start searching for your alternative physical activity!

Pro-tip #1: avoid all exercises that include body to body contact such as football, softball, volleyball, basketball or similar, as well as any exercise that might include falling violently such as horseback riding.

If you already train and are experiencing a normal/healthy pregnancy, everyone (doctors, researchers and trainers) agree that you can proceed with your regular routine for as long as you can, ideally up through the first week of the 9^th month of pregnancy!   On a side note, trainers would not recommend the supine position (laying down) but woud definitely give you an alternative for all those exercises you need to do in lying position!

Pro-tip #2: monitor your heart rate not to exceed 140 beats a minute (except if you are originally an athlete then you can train normally under the supervision and monitoring of your trainer! - lucky you).

Now, if you do not train at the moment you get pregnant but used to train in the past, you can pick-up your old habits gradually and start training again.

Finally, if you are lazy and have never trained before, or if you are scared to engage into a new training activity at the time you find out you are pregnant, you can always start walking and swimming; those two exercises are considered 100% safe to almost all pregnancies, including a large part of complicated pregnancy cases (however, if you are facing a complicated pregnancy you should always share your activities with your doctors).

Now why do women exercise during pregnancy?

Other than for maintaining their line and limiting their weight gain, exercising during pregnancy is of several benefits. Exercising during pregnancy improves posture, reduces back pain, discomfort and fatigue. Also, exercising during pregnancy reduces the risk of gestational diabetes and facilitates natural delivery.

For the safest pregnancy training? It is important to listen to your body, follow its pace and train safely especially for all exercises that have high intensity on the core (abdomen area).  For the best and safest results, train with a Personal Trainer; I personally already pre-booked Jeff in case I get married and decide to have a baby one day!

Pro-tip #3: wear a lose exercising outfit and keep yourself hydrated and safe!

*You can contact Jeff through his website on www.jeffhannatraining.com  or on his email jeff@jeffhannatraining.com. Also, make sure to like his facebook page: Jeff Hanna Training, in addition to following his Instagram on: Jeffhanna88

Men, women – 8 basic rules of when he cares enough

Few years back, “He’s just not that into you” movie came out.  Up until that time, I used to listen to some of my guys friends when they gave their friends excuses for not contacting me back: You’re a beauty, you intimidate men - You have a strong personality Maya, it scares them away - They just came out of a bad experience and are scared to give a similar one a try… Excuses I embraced for years: I couldn’t have known better, my guy friends definitely knew what they were talking about!

Being a psychology freak, I had a thrust to understand men and wanted to always dig deeper into men and relationships.

And so, I decided to follow the movie steps and write my own list of 8 things to live by and that show interest and care:

8- Every relationship is new

When a person likes a new person, it should all start from scratch. It is true we all hold a package from our past but we also should be open to new experiences and new chances; no 2 guys are similar, no 2 girls are similar and even when put in the same situation, each would react differently.  Relax, don’t pre-judge, don’t compare and give it a chance!

7- Good girls are hard to find…

So when you find a good person, keep her.

6- No one is ever “too busy”

Ever wondered how your friend’s fiancé can pull out 2 jobs and still take her out for dinners, while the guy you just met doesn’t seem to have time for a 2 minutes phone call? Well… a friend of mine once told me: honey, all guys work. They also all go to bathroom/food/coffee breaks with the phones in their hands… Do the math sweethearts!

5- Compliments are never out-of-date

Simple, exaggerated or complicated, a compliment is never out-of-date and sometimes a simple word can replace a long conversation (in case he’s too busy with work, you know, he could have slipped a sweet word in the morning…)

4- A date is not a date until he picks you up

With or without a flower, do not call yourself dating until he takes you for a first tête-à-tête dinner.  Yes, those still exist in 2016. No, not only hopeless romantics do that.

3- There is no such thing as too early

Whether it is for a kiss, a week-end escapade, meeting the family or hanging-out with the friends; there is no such thing as too early when a relationship is well defined and the couple is harmonious. When you hide something it means you are not convinced with what you have (this does not apply to updating every social media status you got! Do not flood your Instagram and Facebook with pictures yet!)

2- Settle

I have heard enough of the long lists of desires and needs, and of not wanting to settle for less than what you think you deserve. Relax. Just settle. You’ll never get all those boxes ticked off your list anyway so when you like a guy hard enough, breathe in and out and just go for it! You might fall for him and your list of desires will change overnight, just like magic!

1- Say you care!

There is nothing more important in any relationship that stating your standing; whether it is obvious or not, remind the other person that you care.  Hearing the obvious reduces stress and increases trust and satisfaction.

Hey guys, the above applies to you too!

Every dollar counts - December 2015 initiative

When I was a little girl I donated money into piggy-banks of various associations at school; Various occasions throughout the year were the occasion for representatives to pass between our school desks and offer us, students, smiles in return of small donations our parents asked us to insert in those boxes.

Those donations helped me realize the difference small amounts made in the lives of those in need.

As years passed by ad after school days, there were no more piggy-banks passed around and I noticed my donations were being rare, just as the donations of those around me. We were working though! We were all working but we were all on a budget. We could all donate small amounts but were “ashamed” to give it to any association, after-all what would 5.000 lbp do?

5.000 lbp… it would do little… but that same around did big when it was put in a piggy bank years back.

The Piggy Bank!

This past Christmas I decided to re-launch the piggy bank initiative myself between my family, friends and colleagues and decided to dedicate this first initiative to the Children Cancer Center of Lebanon. 

As such, I carried around a piggy bank around with me for over a month (and I can assure you there was nothing harder than asking people I don't know or I barely know for money and trust!).

Almost everyone chipped in.

Donations varied between 1$ and 200$.

There is this one time I was at a restaurant with a friend wanting to donate, carrying the piggy-bank inside and leaving it on the table, one of the waiters asked what it was about and generously donated.

Children opened their piggy-bank to “help buy Panadol” for the kids in need.

And a total amount of 1,126,250 lbp was collected over the course of 40 days and transferred directly to the accounts of the Children Cancer Center of Lebanon hoping it will be beneficial to add a pinch of health to the lives of those little souls who deserve to have a fair chance to experience life, in full health.

To everyone who helped, no matter how big or small your donation was, thank you.  

Thank you for your trust, collaboration, encouragement and big smiles.

A la prochaine!

What are you wearing for Christmas?

Red, Green, Blue, Gold and white…

No matter how much of a trend those colors are or how much of a fashionista one can be, wear them between December 20^th and 26^th and I ensure you everyone will think you are too much into Christmas’s spirit!

In fact, red represents the colors of the Holly Berries, which represent the color of the blood of Jesus Christ when he was crucified;

Green represents the color of the evergreen plant that the Romans used to exchange in January as a sign of luck. It’s also the color of the mistletoe (under which couples kiss for luck on Christmas) and of course the season’s hero: the Christmas tree!

Blue is the color associated to Mary, the mother of Jesus.  In medieval times, blue was only worn by Royal families and the blue paint was even more expensive than Gold!

Gold is the reflection of the star the wise men followed to reach baby Jesus in the manger; it also represents one of the presents brought to baby Jesus by one of the wise men.

As for White, the color is directly associated with peace, which is the reflection of the season!

Now while I always believed those colors were too cheesy and avoided them for Christmas’ week, they apparently reflect a strong meaning of the season! 

Looking at the pros, Christmas colors look great in pictures! They fit the mood and can make any stranger on the road smile back at you and wish you happy holidays! Spreading such joy can never be enough at any time of the year especially during December!

Now if we think about the cons, oh well… I can’t help but feel everyone on the road is wearing the same costume or going to the same themed party… oh okay, wait! It is a one themed party! It’s Christmas’ party… okay maybe it makes sense, just a bit!

Well maybe like everything in life things should be rethought every now and then… maybe (just maybe) I’ll try sticking to Christmas colors next week or wear a Santa hat while wondering around (crossing fingers I won’t look creepy!)

But whatever color you pick to wear, please… just please… don’t over-do-it!

Christmas is gift shopping time!

The first week of December often marks the beginning of Christmas street decoration, holiday traffic jam and of course Christmas shopping!

And while I am considered an “expert” in picking gifts and offering creative, personal and personalized choices for all those who ask me for advice, up until last year, I considered Christmas shopping as a special burden: so much to get, so little time, excessive traffic and a limited budget!

This year, by the end of November, I was already almost done with my Christmas shopping list.  My pending gifts are under process and if I work hard enough, I will be done before the crazy flow of mid-December! A few years back, I used to take part of that flow. I once even finished my Christmas shopping at 4pm, a couple of hours before the mall closed its doors. But now, I maturely finish my shopping earlier, on a budget, and relax and enjoy Christmas carols and events for the rest of the month.

Here is how in six easy steps:

   1- Set a Gift List
   Setting-up your gift list should include each person you wish and/or should gift this Christmas, along with 3 gift options.  Brainstorming the gift ideas and probable options at home (while cooking dinner for instance) will reduce the time spent wandering around while shopping, not knowing what to pick and where to start.  When you want to get your mother a perfume, a handbag or a jacket for instance, there is no need to check the jewelry corner at the mall. It’s December, there is “people traffic” at the mall, and it drives everyone insane; just avoid it!

For more tips about how to pick the perfect gift or set your options list, check-out my previously published post “A basic guide to buying the “perfect” gift” 

   2- Set a Shopping Budget (and stick to it!)

There is no shame in setting a shopping budget and sticking to it. A shopping budget will in fact lower the stress of thinking, calculating and reviewing your bank account over 10 times in an hour. Work on the budget in parallel to the gift option list mentioned in number 1 above.

You’re now ready to go!

   3- Shop in individual stores (Oh yes, avoid shopping malls!)

In general, shopping malls are more expensive than individual stores. They are full of people wandering around to check the decoration. And above all, they are not customer-friendly.  Go to an individual store instead, pick up your list and see what the shop has to offer that fits the list. Pick a place that can fit most items of your list, and tell the helper your budget (oh yes, don’t be ashamed! Save yourself and the shop owner/helper some valuable time this Christmas!).  Once done, ask for a discount… you see, individual shops are often managed by owners who would be more than happy to offer you a discount especially when you are buying for more than one family member from their premises.

Now go put that saved money aside or buy a child in need a gift!

And to make the whole experience more enjoyable?

   4- Wrap your own gifts

I personally take pleasure in opening gifts that are not packed in the shops’ boxes or wrapping paper. It means that the person took time and put effort into wrapping my gift and making it more enjoyable for me to open. Plus opening a blue wrapping box or a yellow one gives space to one’s imagination to guess what’s inside.  Imagine opening a big shoe box wrapped in green paper and finding a watch inside. That’s a surprise no? and gifts are all about surprises!  But don’t forget to include the exchange voucher, just in case…

   5- Write gift cards

Yes, everyone will throw them with the wrapping paper after opening the gift but hey! That 5 seconds smile I get while reading “Merry Christmas auntie” is worth millions! If I feel it, everyone around me should feel it too!

   6- Relax and enjoy Christmas’ carols and events

By now you should be done. Drive out there in the traffic, search every Christmas event in town and attend it (because you have time!) and wander around shopping malls to check the holiday decorations, listen to amazing music and taste the latest gingerbread!